


path of choice

by valkyriepilot



Series: Dimilix Week 2020 [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of character death but only in nightmare, Nightmare of Crimson Flower route, Nightmares, Tears, post azure moon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22741732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyriepilot/pseuds/valkyriepilot
Summary: Felix sees a terrible reality play out in his nightmare. The way it shakes him to the core makes him wonder if his actions in reality have always been the best for the man he loves. Dimitri is there to help him after.Dimilix Week Day Two prompt: tears
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Series: Dimilix Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1634266
Comments: 12
Kudos: 68





	path of choice

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt was the one I was most excited for. The chance to have Felix be vulnerable in front of Dimitri is something I couldn't pass up.
> 
> The beginning of this fic depicts the aftermath of Dimitri's death in Crimson Flower from Felix's perspective, but it's only a nightmare. There is a description of Dimitri's dead body so please be careful of that. I chose not to use the Major Character Death warning simply because he does not actually die in this fic. Still, if you think I should add any other tags please let me know.
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoy this fic!

Rain pours down across the Tailtean Plains, soaking Felix to the bone as he stands frozen in place. Crimson drips from his blade, diffusing into the already stained dirt.

Over his shoulder he can hear the Professor and the Emperor somberly discussing something, but the words mean nothing to him. There's nothing that can mean anything to him anymore. Not with he sight that lays before him.

The King of Faerghus is undignifiedly splayed out on the ground, battered and bruised and bloody. His golden hair forms a halo as it fans out, dulled with the mud caking the strands. Somehow his face looks calm, as if he's only resting and his eyelids will suddenly open to reveal the startling pale blue that Felix knows so well. But the ever growing pool of red beneath him confirms that he will never do so again.

Felix had made sure of it.

Edelgard may have dealt the final blow, but the gash across the king's chest is entirely Felix's handiwork. He's the one that made sure he couldn't fight back anymore. He's the one the guaranteed Dimitri's death.

"Felix, we need to get moving," Byleth's voice sounds in his ear, already stoic again. She's already gotten over it. Felix hates her for it. Hates himself.

Then again shouldn't Felix be over it too? He'd been so cruel to Dimitri for years before the war, never without a biting word for the man who he'd once considered his best friend. Someone he had loved wholeheartedly. But unlike the harsh insults and barbs, he couldn't take this back. He abandoned him, leaving him to die alone in a field with no support. This is his choice and he has to live with it.

What right did Felix have to mourn something that was his own fault?

The remorse and regret crashes into him all at once, stealing his breath just as surely as he'd taken away Dimitri's. Felix takes a step forward sword slipping from his hand, and immediately falls to his knees.

He places a trembling hand on Dimitri's shattered breastplate, ignoring the way he can feel a warm, sticky wetness seeping through his gloves. His chest is so still.

Swallowing at the lump in his throat, Felix leans over the man's body before speaking. "I'm... so sorry, Dimitri."

How long has it been since he even called him by his name? Dimitri's last memories of him would only find him saying 'Boar' or 'Beast'. Felix feels wet dripping down his cheeks, warmer than the rain.

"Dimitri, please," Felix whispers, voice hoarse and painful, as if the words could ever fix this. "I'm sorry."

"Felix…"

There's a hand on his shoulder, shaking him but Felix struggles against it, desperate to stay at Dimitri's side. It's his last chance. He sobs out the man's name again, nearly choking.

The hand stays clamped to his shoulder and another runs through his hair, more soothing than he'll ever deserve. It feels so familiar. Too familiar.

Who is that?

"Felix!"

  
  


* * *

  
  


Felix's eyes snap open, a sob still escaping his throat. He can barely see through his tears, and his surroundings are only dimly lit making it more difficult to get his bearings. The hand running through his hair is still there, stroking ever so gently.

"It's alright, Felix. Just breathe."

There's the voice again, but this time it's clear and he has no trouble placing it.

"...Dimitri?" His voice cracks, throat raspy and sore from his sobs. He's so unused to crying, he can't remember how to calm himself. Blinking rapidly he tries to clear his vision against the oncoming wave of tears.

Eyes finally adjusting to the room's dim light, he realizes where he is- in the castle at Fhirdiad, warm under several blankets as he lays in their shared bed. As he looks up, Felix is met with that familiar face hovering above him. Golden hair mussed from sleep, and expression heartbroken, Dimitri's single pale blue eye is fixed on him. His hand slides from Felix's hair to carefully cup his tear-stained cheek.

"I am here, my love. You do not have to worry," Dimitri whispers softly.

Rather than soothing him, Dimitri's words force another sob out of him and a fresh wave of tears, blurring his vision when all he wants is to keep his eyes on the man he loves. Dimitri is alive, safe. The reality of his situation sets in, but the horror of the nightmare still grips at his heart. Even if it wasn't real Felix can't deny that back then it could have easily come true.

"I'm-... sorry," he chokes out, clenching his eyes shut as he tries to get himself under control. Dimitri shushes him, and a moment later Felix feels the bed shift and lips gently press to his forehead. He doesn't deserve it, as much as it makes his heart soar.

"There is nothing to apologize for. I have woken you up enough times with my own night terrors, have I not?" Dimitri says softly.

"It's not that," he argues, voice still weak. Felix shakily moves his hand to cover where Dimitri's still cups his cheek, allowing his eyes to open once again. "I-... I hurt you."

Dimitri's brow furrows. "What? You have done no such thing, I assure you."

"In my dream," Felix clarifies haltingly. He swallows against the lump in his throat, squeezing Dimitri's hand. A realization passes over Dimitri and he shifts his hand to grip Felix's in return, urging him to continue. "It was the war. I was fighting for Edelgard and we fought you. I let you die."

"Felix." Dimitri's grip tightens almost painfully and Felix winces before Dimitri corrects himself, sweeping his thumb over the back of Felix's hand soothingly. "There is no need to apologize for an event that did not occur."

"But I abandoned you-"

"You stayed with me, even when you had every right to leave," Dimitri corrects him. "Even when I was at my worst, you fought by my side. And after all of it, you still allow me to love you, and offer your love in return. Nothing of that dream was real, you owe me no apologies."

Felix has to avert his gaze from the sincerity of Dimitri's expression. "I was cruel to you in real life too. I called you horrible things, you can't deny that."

Dimitri presses a kiss to his cheek. "You had your reasons for acting that way, but you have already apologized for it enough. I forgave you for it long ago."

Felix remembers apologizing for it, remembers the immense discomfort he'd felt when Dimitri had immediately forgiven him. He hadn't called him 'boar' or 'beast' in the nearly two years since that point, and the last several times using it he remembers how sick he had felt as the words left his mouth.

Almost as if he can sense it, Dimitri cuts off his train of thought.

"I love you, Felix," he whispers. "No matter what happened in the past, or what will happen in our future, I will always adore you."

Felix's cheeks flush. It doesn't matter how many times Dimitri says it, he doubts it will ever affect him any less. Yet Felix himself so rarely says it in return. He wishes it was more in his nature to be affectionate.

"I... love you too," he says, forcing himself to make eye contact. "Dima."

The smile that crosses Dimitri's face is startlingly bright in light of the long forgotten nickname from their childhood. Felix can't resist slipping his free hand around the back of his neck to tug him down for a kiss.

It doesn't last as long as Felix would like, simply for the fact that he's still breathless from his earlier crying, but still it soothes away the last of Felix's hurt and lets him finally feel calm again. Felix pulls back with a sigh, swiping the wet tracks away from his face.

"It has been a long while since I last saw you cry," Dimitri points out.

"Don't get used to it," Felix grumbles, feeling the post cry headache he hasn't felt in years setting in.

"You used to cry so much when we were children," Dimitri comments anecdotally, as he settles himself back onto his own side of the bed. "I remember how often you'd run off and cry to Sylvain if I beat you in training."

"Don't talk about that," Felix scolds him, shoving at his shoulder halfheartedly at which Dimitri laughs. The normalcy of their interaction puts Felix at ease. "I can go sleep somewhere else if you aren't careful."

"No, no. I won't say anything more," Dimitri says through the last rumbles of his laughter. He opens his arms to Felix. "Come here?"

Felix moves in without question, settling against the warmth of Dimitri's chest as the man's arms wrap around him securely. Beneath his ear he can hear the steady rhythm of Dimitri's heartbeat, just as strong as the king himself.

"Good night, Felix," Dimitri says, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head, "I pray you sleep well. I will be here when you wake up."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I really hope you enjoyed!
> 
> If you'd like, please leave a comment letting me know your thoughts. I always like seeing people's perspectives and it encourages me to keep writing.
> 
> Also feel free to follow me on twitter @EphemeraBlossom where I talk about FE3H basically all the time.


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